SINKING OR FLYING?

I did something new without feeling too bad for once. I was taken by my own happiness and got a bit crazy but in a good way =) he knows what I mean. He makes me feel that scaryness I forgot could exist. He drives me crazy with passion yet fearfull... The line between sinking or flying is thin at this point. One day soon I will know =) now I just know I feel high and happy and it's all because of him and his sexy smile. Awwwwwwwwww!

Kitty ^_^

Witch ^_^

HOW NOT TO GET FOND OF HIM?

How does one resist the temptation of his lusty smile, his sincere eyes, his sweet words, his pure honesty? I am fond of him and long to see what will go on. I am scared of my feelings and pleased as well. I feel alive and happy, scared and tortured by the fear of not being able to love as I want. I want to love, care and feel the way one feels in a warm embrace... Am I still able? Am I still spontaneus or am I stopping myself already from thinking, hoping and wishing all my dreams become reality?

LIKE A BUTTERFLY

She came and rest upon my life as a butterfly upon a flower. And now she flies again free. Farewell. Merry we met, may we marry part, at least in our hearts.

This is for you.

Pink Moon Girl

9 October 2005 - THE FIRST TUNING COMPETITION I SAW

TUNING FINAL- MY FAIR LADY

With no doubt one of the most stunning car I have ever seen with my own eyes... extremely beautiful.

I also met a wonderful guy. I hope we will become friends.

NOTHING

I can't do anything. I can't go to the police and say "he was making fun out of me thus I slapped him and he hit me back and grabbed my wrists till pain saying he would break my neck if I did it again". I can't go to the police and say " I am worn out, fed up with him messing the house leaving dirt everywhere. And if i complain he laughs at me." I can't kick him out. I am alone and noone can do it for me. I feel like killing him. I want him out. I cannot bear all this anyomore. I cannot bear him saying he hopes I die. I cannot bear him anymore at all.

Tears fall down in silence. In silence I scream, In silence I cry.

Hope in my heart...

Yesterday i went With Malit and Vanilla to a pub that is soo cool, like a wild forest, with King Kong and all! ^_^ I enjoyed myself sooo much! But it was also quite expensive... oh well never mind!

Sweet September : at my side one of my best friends :)

Long to go?

Another delusion. Someone looked very interested and then, once more, was not. This time harder for me to understand because I started having a hope that should have never come out. Rob has been too cruel to show me something I guess it was not. Once again I find myself sad and waiting, hopelessly depressed today, tonight. Will he find me? Will I find him? Will we find each other finally someday soon? Or are we doomed to stay apart forever in this life? I must say I do long for some love and affection so much now that I would have accepted it even for a while only... to remember the taste of a kiss and the warmth of a cuddle, but still I know that while would have not been enough anymore. Luke was even more cruel by saying he would have give me that "while" I wanted to then refuse it to me. I don't deserve that. I deserve my Twin Soul, True Love, affection, kisses and everything else. I deserve to have something too. I need to love, my twin soul, before I get too old. I need to find him. He needs me too.

My 3 Babyladies Cats

My 3 BabyLadies ^_^

Almost a year

Almost a year has gone since I first wrote this blog. Since I said that I felt that love was on the way. I am beginning to think I was a bit too optimistic. How much more do they want us to wait for, long for, suffer for? How much more do we, twin soul, have to wait to meet?

All of a sudden

Finding myself suddenly like this....waiting for something... not fair. Not fair at all that my heart is pounding with no knowledge. Not fair that my heart jumps at some words.... Not fair that the future is far. Not fair that the present is not making anything happen.

A classic picture. Ayez's Kiss. Oh so much I long foryour kisses, Twin Soul...

Crescent Moon 11 June 2005 night

Changes after changes

Gods made me know via their means. Part of that past is not part of my future as well. The past is past. I will not go in a part of Italy I have never been to. Not for that reason and not soon. It was fantasy, gone in the past, something but nothing. It was all in my mind and I felt what I wanted to feel, it was something different.

I said what i had to and I feel relieved and ready for a new start. Ready again to wait for my twin soul to appear sometimes somewhere.

Ready to change more, grow more.

Decisions of a woman

I decided something had to change since my feelings changed so many times I don't even remember. I will cut with the past, all the past soon. But first I must be sure that part of that past is not part of my future as well. I also decided to keep a special friendship but to change the kind of "special" part to a less complicate and bonding thing. I will go in a part of Italy I have never been to. I will go alone but I will meet someone part of my past to understand what makes me think about incences and musics, constant eyes in my mind as well as rememberings. Is it a special bond or a fantasy? Is it gone or yet to come? Was it nothing but something or something but nothing? Is it all in my mind or is it in our souls?Do I feel what I want to feel or what we both feel?With the help of the Goddes I will find out if it was destiny or something different.
I am sure this post will cause confusion and surprise to my special friend but he will understand that life and feelings are like diamonds, never perfect, always showing new shiny faces.

GODDESS, KEEP ME QUIET

Relived. High. Can't wait. I talk too much, don't I? Less fear but still some.

Diana's Temple in Nemi - The inside and Altar

Diana's Temple in Nemi - The Road

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

Burning cheeks. Head everywhere but here. Awakening of things I forgot about....questions, questions, questions, continuously that I try to kill instantly since they are not welcome now. Extasy and hell. Missing something I can't have. Am I going insane again? If yes I hope this time I pay more attention. To every small detail. I should try not to focus since it's not sane. But then that's not how I used to be... not that one cannot change... but one should change for the best, not change otherwise...

TEST

You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party.
What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves.
What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.


What Kind of Elitist Are You?
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